I’m ashamed to admit that telling our 10-year-old son Declan to stop talking is a regular occurrence in our house. I’ve tried all sorts of phrases to get him to stop: ‘be quiet,’ ‘zip it’ and even ‘shut up’ on extreme occasions. Nothing works.
You’d think we’d be ashamed of our behaviour. Who on earth talks to their children like that? But you haven’t met my son. He loves to talk, has an opinion on everything and never stops. Sometimes I think my head is going to explode, it simply just can’t process any more words coming out of his mouth.
But with this comes passion and confidence. He wants to answer every question because he’s just so excited about participating and learning. He’s confident that he can give the answer to everything or an opinion.
He’s just like his Dad.
When he was about three, we flew between London and Copenhagen. He talked the entire way there, making observations about the plane and the journey. I hadn’t really thought about it, I was used to it at this point. When we stood up to get off the plane, the couple behind us laughed and said ‘Your son has talked the whole way here! He could get a job doing news commentary!’ We laughed and continued through security and baggage claim. As we left the airport, we bumped into the couple again. ‘And he’s still talking!’ they laughed. And indeed, he was.
At Mammoth Mountain last year, we traveled up to the top of the slopes in the gondola with a member of the Ski Patrol. Declan proceeded to lecture him on what to do in an avalanche. The poor guy kept trying to get a word in and explain about throwing out your poles as well. I sat there wincing thinking ‘Declan, stop talking!’ I tried to make light of it by joking that the Ski Patrol would be able to find him in an avalanche because he’d still be talking.
I find the parent/teacher conferences painful. Some teachers love his enthusiasm and passion. Others want to squash it out of him. Each time we’re told that he talks a lot and needs to let others answer questions, not just him, to let others have an opinion. When I drop him off at lessons, camps and play dates, my instructions are always ‘have a good time, try not to talk too much!’
But I love that he will talk to anyone, is interested in lots of things, is passionate about learning and filled with confidence. He just needs to learn to stop and take a breath now and then.
He’ll be back at school in a couple of weeks. The first morning back, I love the silence. The ability to process a thought without constant interruption. To not have to answer any questions he’s thought up. Or listen to his endless commentary.
I truly can’t relate when I meet other parents with shy children that don’t talk. How do you get one like that? Can I swap? Please?!
But of course, he’s my son; I love him dearly and wouldn’t have him any other way. And to his new 5th Grade teacher: brace yourself, you’ve got a chatty one in your class this year. I give you permission to say ‘Declan, shut up!’
{ 7 comments }
I’m glad you decided to post this. I chuckled a bit, as while my situation isn’t exactly the same, I recognized your challenge as a parent. It is our job to guide and teach our children, while at the same time, let their own unique personalities shine through. My son isn’t a constant gabber but he definitely has ALL the answers for ANY question and knows EVERYTHING. I have stooped so low as to declare, “Dude, I have lived just a couple more experiences then you have. I do have SOME knowledge stored in my brain too!” My son is now 18 and ready to strike out on his own. I am comforted by the fact that even though he isn’t truly the smartest guy on the planet (shhh, don’t tell him!), at least he has the ability to jump out there and grab ahold of his future with a sense of confidence. (And, by the way, you will find some teachers during his school years that truly “get” him and will know how to channel that energy. True, these teachers will be far and few between, but these will be the ones that he remembers, and the ones that will help shape his future!)
BTW…as evidenced by the long comment, I like my “air time” too!
I see shades of my 7 year old in your little story. I always say I’d rather have him like that than a shy guy sitting in the corner. But it’s definitely tiring, huh? I loved the plane story.
Bless him. Love a good talker. My eldest is shy and I’m always impressed with those kids that can go and chat to anyone. It is a skill, really.
When he grows up, and moves away, the silence will be deafening. I also cherish my kids’ comments – and always stop what I’m doing to hear the whole lot of them.
I was him. I take that back, I am him. I love to talk and throughout school, every report card I got said “bright young girl, she just needs to learn to control her talking better”.
I feel for him, it’s one of those things that is tough for both sides. Trust me, there are times I bet he wishes he could shut up too…he just doesn’t know how. I am the same way. Some days I have to forcefully tell myself to shut my mouth. It can be really tough.
…at least he has that charming accent, right? Hmm, not delighted by that are you?
My daughter is a bit like that, too. I prefer “zip it” to anything else.
haha, that took some digging to fit him in there !!
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