It’s that time of year, the time when I’ve had enough of the tourists. Last year they were driving me crazy in the supermarket, this year it’s their parking.
We live in an area where parking is at a premium. Thank heavens we have garage space for both our cars. The parking on the street outside our house is constantly moving with people arriving and leaving the beach. As soon as someone leaves a space, another car is pulling in. Parallel parking is a must, you need to be able to reverse into a small space and do it quickly whilst five cars wait for you to perform the maneuver.
Then there are the tourists who can’t find a space or who can’t parallel park. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m in my kitchen cooking dinner. I’m here to help, apparently.
“Excuse me?’ Hello? Is it OK if I park a little bit into the red?”
As Traffic Guru to the tourists, I leave my kitchen and let them know that they’ll definitely get a ticket if they’re even an inch into the red. Then they’re disappointed in me, they want me to give them permission to park sticking out.
“Excuse me? Hello? Is that your car?”
No, the car parked outside my house is not mine. My car is tucked inside the garage. I would love to magically move that car outside up a few feet so that you can fit your car into that space, but I can’t. Thank you for asking though.
“Excuse me? Hello? Do you think you could help me park?”
Why I’d love to! Keep coming, keep coming, keep coming, stop!!! Forward, forward, forward, stop!!! Back, back, back. Forward, forward, forward. You’re not very good at parallel parking? Really? I never would have guessed.
We have another month of crazy summer tourists; Memorial Weekend will mark the end of the summer season. Clearly I need a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the house. Either that or a Parking Attendant’s hat. Or I should start charging. I’m sure a Parking Guru salary would be impressive. And I can park your massive SUV in one maneuver. I’m Peninsula trained.
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I would kill someone. Seriously. The second time some visiting nimrod asked me to help them park I would kill them. You’re a better woman than I.
Oh dear. That would be a bit annoying!
It’s a nightmare down there…. we always used to either find a space right at the end of by the Doggie Beach, or we were lucky enough to head down there on the beach …. They are not good at parking, probably because most of them drive with huge trucks, 4×4 that never leave the tarmac ……. A few times I just turned around and went home… bloody tourists (or did I count as one ?!?!)
Dear Parking Lady –
I hope you don’t mind, but can I park a comment on this blog post? I promise not to stay too long, or comment in an area where I don’t belong. If I run out of inspiration, perhaps you can comment on my behalf.
We indulge in what is commonly known as ‘touch parking’. Very effective providing you have a) large bumper bars, and b) the code for the other car’s alarm.
Alternatively just nose-first does the job.
Can you tell I learnt to drive in Italy?
LCM x
We have a lot of tourists parking here in the summer too. The other day I walked past a woman parking a car where she would clearly get a ticket, so I politely told her about the over-zealous traffic cops. She had the audacity to ask me if I could tell any cop that came along, that she would be back in a minute. After I stopped laughing I declined on the basis of the cops not caring where the heck she was or what I told them.
How annoying. You should put up a sign – Parking Advice, $5, Valet Parallel Parking $10. Nobody around here knows how to parallel park and no wonder; they have such huge lots that there is no need – and in the US test, I parked really badly as I was nervous, and I still passed!
feeling awfully proud of myself then! parked and had a friend direct my parallel. it was beautiful man. quick and only about 14″ away from curb (“that’s ok, i’ll walk to the curb” annie hall)!
now, ask danny’s sis about my baffle when i saw her and her son. and thank her for not charging me for “is this the right house? danny and lorna?”
so sad to have missed you though
going to blogger ball? oh, i can check the guest list. duh!
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